Pity parties

If it is to be, it is up to me.

– Datuk May Phng

I absolutely love this phrase. I love it because when you realise it, and you apply it, automatically so many of the problems that people love to complain about, all of them disappear.

If you have a life that is less than satisfactory, do something about it. Otherwise, quit whinging. Quit feeling jealous that others have a ‘better’ life.

Just do something.

And if you cannot muster the effort to do something about it, then stop complaining because you did nothing. To sit around and expect a hand-out, and then complain things did not work out your way because you gained nothing…that is nowt but spoilt, childish behaviour.

Yes, there is karma and other people do affect how your life turns out but it is your choice how you react to the situation.

That is why I believe Datuk May when she says that because I am sure she has faced more than her fair share of adversity, and she chose to turn those obstacles into opportunities. That is what made her a success – she chose to be a success.

Choice.

So it goes back to the above quote – if you failed, it is because you chose to fail. And if you succeeded, it is because you chose to succeed.

I hate pity parties.

I hate pity parties because I know what it is like to throw yourself one. I hate it because they are unproductive, they are selfish and they draw you into an ever-deeper funk that becomes increasingly more difficult to crawl out of.

Pity parties. They make you reject other people’s help, help which might actually pull you out of your funk. They make you angry at other people for their advice, and they make you blame those people for leading better lives and “who the hell are they to tell me what they think? I never asked for their opinion”.

Pity parties. They make your jealousy turn into anger and blame directed at yourself and others. Then they make that anger develop quietly and silently, until you cannot help but hurt others and yourself.

Pity parties. They make you habituated into the ‘poor me’ way of thinking. They make you expect hand-outs.

Pity parties. They are the reason why you are not a success.

You want to blame others? Fine. Just do not expect your life to become anything more than what you already have because pity parties are what brought you to that current state, and pity parties are what will keep you there.

Yes, it sounds aggressive. Yes, it sounds rude and yes, it sounds arrogant and impatient but it is also the truth, perhaps just not as skilfully told as how Rinpoche or Datuk May might tell me.

And why I know it is the truth is because, like I said, I am the #1 Pity Party Thrower. I know what it is like to get mad at myself, and sit and stew and get increasingly cross at nothing in particular until a trigger comes along and BOOM!

Because I want to be a success, because I want to do well for Rinpoche, I have to stop these parties. Like Rinpoche once said, feel sorry for yourself then move on.

So tell me I am rude, tell me I am arrogant but do not tell me that what I said was not the truth, or that I do not know what I am talking about because hey, denial’s not just a river in Egypt.

compassion, responsibility, teacher, Tsem Tulku Rinpoche Reflections and Teachings