Rinpoche the playful

Although Rinpoche was, at heart, a very traditional lama, Rinpoche also loved to tease his students, and to play and joke with them. It could happen at any time, even in the middle of a meeting about comic books on how Dorje Shugden has helped people.

When most people think of Tibetan lamas, the image that comes to mind is that of a serious, unsmiling type sat on a high throne positioned far, far away at the head of a large audience. And whilst there are some lamas like that and there is definitely a time, place and benefit for such a presentation, lamas do also manifest other actions, behaviours and countenances for different beneficial purposes.

Rinpoche paying respects and making offerings at the reliquary stupa of His Eminence Domo Geshe Rinpoche in Domo Ladrang, New York (USA).

When it came to serious matters, Rinpoche definitely knew how to be serious. In fact, Rinpoche was at heart an extremely traditional and very proper lama. If there was a puja or Dharma talk, or if something was being done in relations to Rinpoche’s gurus, the monastery or the monks, Rinpoche was insistent that everything be done according to tradition, with no and’s, if’s or but’s, and zero compromises. Rinpoche also took great care to educate his students about the proper and traditional way to serve a lama and the monastery, the proper way to deliver a Dharma teaching or to engage in a puja, and the benefits of doing so.

And there was definitely a result, which I eventually learned as I became more exposed to the monastic community over the years. I often heard the monks say things like, “Wow, your teacher really taught you guys how to serve the monks” or “How come you Malaysians know how to take care of lamas? You know how to do everything, your teacher taught you well” or “It’s clear Tsem Rinpoche teaches the Lamrim path, looking at how his students behave.”

Rinpoche listening to an audio message from His Holiness Kyabje Trijang Chocktrul Rinpoche. Rinpoche received the message in the traditional manner with head bowed and hands folded, as though Kyabje Trijang Chocktrul Rinpoche was physically present.

In spite of this firm upholding of tradition, our Rinpoche definitely had a playful side and Rinpoche loved to laugh, joke and tease. Especially once WhatsApp and Skype became more popular, Rinpoche would send us silly photos and videos, really hamming it up for the camera to make us laugh. Rinpoche would also play pranks and do jump scares, hiding behind doors and walls and at the end of hallways, to wait for someone to walk past before Rinpoche leapt from his hiding place with a loud yell.

Once multimedia messaging (MMS), WhatsApp and Skype took off in popularity, Rinpoche would often send playful photos like this. This one was uploaded to Facebook with the caption “Look ma, no hands!”.

Whilst all of this could sound like frivolous fun and games, there was actually a deeper meaning. Rinpoche once explained that how a person reacts is a reflection of how big their ego is. Someone who reacts very loudly is because their ego is very precious to them. They perceive the risk to their false sense of ‘I’ to be big, so they do something equally big to protect themselves from this perceived harm.

Conversely, a person who does not react at all could also have a big ego because they are embarrassed and do not want to show others that they have been caught unawares. It really depends on the ‘victim’ du jour, in the wider context of the rest of their personality and behaviours.

And there were definitely some people who erroneously thought that how Rinpoche behaved was ‘inappropriate’ for a monk or lama but here is what they never understood – what we consider ‘appropriate’ or ‘inappropriate’ is all an illusion and based on our projections. It is informed by our own culture, our own upbringing, the lessons we have been taught by the people around us.

Rinpoche posing for Esquire magazine

When it comes to a compassionate lama who wishes to transmit the Dharma to others, the lama will manifest whatever and however he needs to, in order to connect with students who might not have the karmic affinity with a lama who is manifesting in a traditional, serious manner. It is because of the students’ perception and what they need that the lama manifests in a certain way so that the Dharma can enter their minds more easily.

For this reason, because Rinpoche was very easy with his love and affection, I sometimes think many of the people who came to Rinpoche were somehow lacking warmth and love in their lives. That is why they were drawn to Rinpoche, who gave it so easily and freely. But I also think that Rinpoche was genuinely that way because what Buddha isn’t loving and affectionate? What Buddha isn’t spontaneous?

Rinpoche’s grandmother, Queen Dechen Minh, was a very regal and elegant lady, but also had a very warm, loving and playful side to her personality. Click on image to enlarge.

Something also has to be said about Rinpoche’s childhood in New Jersey. Rinpoche attributed many of the ways he showed care as being the product of his upbringing by his famously hospitable adoptive mother, Dana Bugayeff. Rinpoche recalled the large gatherings, parties and celebrations that Dana hosted for the local Kalmyk community, assisted by Rinpoche who did all the preparations and serving. Rinpoche also often spoke about his grandmother, Queen Dechen Minh who, despite being a very regal and elegant lady, was a warm and very loving grandmother to him.

And because Rinpoche also always had to be on guard against the tempers and abuse of his parents, Rinpoche knew what it was like having to walk on eggshells all the time. For this reason, Rinpoche was a master at making people instantly feel at ease. Anyone who met Rinpoche would be laughing, comfortable and relaxed within 5 minutes and by the time they left, they could not wait to see Rinpoche again.

Rinpoche was an expert at making people feel at ease, and could easily have them laughing and comfortable within five minutes of meeting Rinpoche.

So when Rinpoche was still physically with us, people used to ask how they could get close to Rinpoche, because they wanted to experience this feeling again and again. The answer was always the same – the easiest way to ‘win’ Rinpoche over and to get close to Rinpoche was to be honest, loyal, straightforward and have integrity. Rinpoche was not interested in money, fame or reputation; Rinpoche was only ever interested in a person who knew how to be kind to others.

At the end of the day, no matter how playful Rinpoche showed himself to be, those were the only qualities that ever mattered.

To my Lama, who is one with Heruka, we look forward to welcoming you home soon.

Rinpoche before presenting a gift to a student

Even Rinpoche’s dogs felt Rinpoche’s love through teasing and jokes

Rinpoche hamming it up for the camera on Lantau Island, Hong Kong

When Rinpoche was living in the USA, students would often send offerings to Tsem Ladrang. Rinpoche would sometimes take photos with the offerings to show they had safely arrived. Rinpoche knew how much these photos would mean to the recipients of them.

Life in Kechara: Behind The Scenes